The MANagement: When Home and Work Collide

MANagementEugene from Chicago ‘Burbs: MANagement, my boss is a family man with four kids and seems to lead a nice life, although he is quite preachy about family values. I’ve met his wife on several occasions – she’s a real mousy/bookish type with a conservative look and seems very straight-laced. They’ve been to our house on several occasions and she and my wife have become fairly good friends – which I’ve always encouraged as I believed it would lead to greater job security. The other day my boss and I went to lunch and as we were walking down the street, I happened to notice that he had a hickey on his neck. Figuring it was kind of weird, I told my wife what I noticed. She surmised that he must be having an affair because his wife does not seem the type to do that to her husband. My wife now feels it is her duty, as a friend, to tell his wife. I swore her to secrecy, but think she may be right. Should I keep looking the other way or confront this head on?

Ted: Maybe your boss banged his neck on the shower head. Maybe his wife is a closet freak who just read 50 Shades of Grey. Either way, its none of your business. There are some things that you learn about people’s personal lives at the office that must remain secret. When I close my office door in the afternoon and dream of a better life with CNBC’s Melissa Lee, my secretary knows to leave me alone. My secretary may know I’ve got my junk in my hand while I watch, but she doesn’t ask questions. She also knows not to divulge this harmless habit to my wife, who may or may not feel threatened by Melissa’s strict adherence to supply side economics http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOa2nkXIbKQ. Keep your head down at work and tell your wife to keep her trap shut.

Brian: I remember my first day on a job, I was getting trained by a guy who had so much ear hair, it looked like a caterpillar had crawled up on his ear and died. I stared at his ear, wondering how any person could allow that to go unchecked. I pictured myself working at this company for 20 years and getting so beaten down that I wouldn’t care what my ears looked like. I knew right then I had to quit. Now, I realize I was wrong. One of the things you have to understand is that as men get older, they don’t give a crap what other people think of them. Go ahead, let your wife tell his wife all about it. He’s not going to care what some associates’ wife who never saw his neck thinks he’s doing on the side. The only one who is going to look shady here is your wife. Tell your wife to proceed at her own peril.

Frank: The old man is just trying to have some fun, with or without his wife. Tell your wife not to be so quick to judge. I remember being flattered when a couple of my bosses invited me to go to lunch with them. They were quite a bit older than me, but I thought it’d be good to schmooze with the higher-ups, so I went along. We spent an hour and a half talking about their heart problems, the medications that reduce their heart problems, the exercises their doctors recommended for their heart problems, the foods they could and could not eat because of their heart problems and on and on. Finally, I looked at both of them and told them all this talk about their heart problems could not be good for their heart. They laughed, then moved on to more fascinating stories about their kidney stones. By the end of the lunch, I was so bored I thought I was going to have a mid-mid-life crisis. I would have gladly accepted a hickey, a purple nipple, or a bent prick just to end that conversation. So your boss is having a little fun. Let the man live a little.

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About The Management

The Management is an advice column and weekly dialogue offering a resource for men with questions. Three expert men, Ted, Brian and Frank examine, diagnose and prescribe solutions to any problem posed by the vagaries and quandaries of being a man in today’s world. They realize that men are inundated with requests from girlfriends, wives, kids, jobs, friends and bosses. Like never before, men need direction, they need guidance, they need The Management. Ted: Although quite the ladies man, Ted is a serial monogamist. He brings his unique insight into single life to The MANagement. Brian: Brian is a stay at home dad. His wife Jill, previously married, believed she was infertile until she married Brian and his unprecedented amount of sperm. Jill soon became pregnant with quadruplets. Brian offers his special insight into raising kids and making marriage work. Frank: Frank founded The MANagement so he could work with his friends, Ted and Brian and help men everywhere. Although Frank has slept with over a thousand women, he’s had sex with only three of them preferring instead to actually sleep.

One thought on “The MANagement: When Home and Work Collide

  1. Wow! Talk about the spectrum of a hickey!! In my opinion it’s not about “letting” anyone have some fun… It’s a NUNYA… At least until (or IF) the wife of “hickey boy” comes-a-askin’…
    My best advice? Tell Hickster to get a cold spoon and some cover-up. Like, DUH…

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